2015 Royal Rumble Running Diary

 

 

7:58 PM – Thanks for tuning in for my 4^th annual Royal Rumble running diary.  Coming into this year’s Royal Rumble, Roman Reigns is the clear favorite.  While there doesn’t seem to be much debate in that, we should have some excitement in how they handle the triple threat title match.  Will someone finally beat Brock Lesnar? Will Seth Rollins cash in his money in the bank after the match concludes? I need answers. 

8:01 PM - Welcome to the 28^th annual Royal Rumble broadcasting live from Philadelphia!

8:01 PM – Oh you didn’t know? The New Age Outlaws are opening the show.  Both Jesse James and Billy Gunn are wearing Philly Phanatic hats.  Good start.  Hopefully it helps to keep the crowd from turning on the show like we saw last year in Pittsburgh. 

8:03 PM – And their opponents, The Ascension, two guys in face paint and shoulder pads.  I guess someone in creative took a suggestion that WWE needed someone like Legion of Doom a bit too serious.  Oh well.  It’s time for us to watch a new team to get a push from the vets.

8:07 PM – Watching this match I can’t help but think about how far the WWE tag team division has fallen.  There was a time where tag team action was a great place to develop new talent or even rebrand a character in need of a change.  The good news is that in recent months it appears the WWE is trying to rebuild the division.  I hope it works out that way.   

8:11 PM – We have a winner.  Michael Cole just announced the Ascension with their first major victory. We’ll have to see how many more will follow.

8:12 PM – Current promo is for a WWE version of Mortal Kombat called Immortals.  I rather play a WWE version of Tetris. 

8:18 PM – Up next, more tag team action.  This time it’s for the title belts.  The Miz and Mizdow square off against our champions, The Usos.

8:20 PM – The Mizdow gimmick has been fabulous.  I hope they win back the belts just to see Mizdow carrying around the replica belts.  Not likely but I can hope.  Also, I’m not sure how many guys on the current roster could have pulled off the stunt double routine.  First class performance by Mizdow.

8:24 PM - I’m hoping the inevitable Miz & Mizdow break up leads to a matchup between the two at WrestleMania.  That match up would be a great way to kick of WrestleMania and ensure the crowd is warmed up.   

8:29 PM - Speaking of WrestleMania, if I was booking the event, I would have Daniel Bryan vs Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship.  Roman Reigns vs Seth Rollins vs Dean Ambrose in a triple threat match to determine the number one contender.  John Cena vs Rusev for the US title.  Miz vs Misdow.  HHH vs Sting.  From what I’m hearing we’re going to see Bray Wyatt face the Undertaker.  Yep.  The dead man is coming back.    

8:31 PM – Back to the action, your winners and still tag team champions, The Usos.

8:36 PM – Here come the Bella Twins.  I’m so glad Nikki Bella got breast implants.  Now I can finally tell her and Brie apart.    

8:37 PM – Their opponents, Natalya and Paige.  Side rant, bear with me.  Paige’s entrance music, along with many of the other new entrance songs, are just 30 seconds of chorus that plays on repeat.  What the hell WWE?  I need at least three verses and a chorus preferable written with accurate descriptions of my favorite wrestlers’ personalities.  Imagine if Hulk Hogan’s entrance music just told you he was a Real American who fights for the rights of every man over and over again.  You would never know if you hurt his friends if you hurt his pride he’s got to be a man and can’t let it slide.  Rant over.

8:43 PM – Fun in ring moment.  Natalya just had Nikki on her shoulders preparing for a back body drop when you can clearly hear Natalya instructing Nikki to grab her hair so they could safely perform the move.  I’ll accept it.  Always remember, safety first ladies.

8:47 PM – And it’s over.  Nikki and Brie just took turns beating on Natalya.  Sorry but nothing exciting to report here.  Is it time for the Triple threat match yet?

8:48 PM – Promo for what amounts to Rock em Sock em wrestlers.  I think I may need to take five and create my own match between Hulk Hogan and Mr. Wonderful.  For those of you looking for the actual name of this playset in the promo, its WWE Double Attack and total takedown figures.  You’re welcome.  Also, those who had over 1.5 Hulk Hogan references tonight are the real winners.    

8:55 PM – Triple threat time!!!  Sing it with me…John Cena Sucks.  John Cena Sucks. John Cena Sucks.  John Cena Sucks.  No surprise that Philadelphia is booing Cena. 

8:57 PM – Mr. Money in the Bank.  Seth Rollins. 

8:58 PM - The Beast Incarnate.  You’re WWE World Heavyweight Champion.  Brock Lesnar.

8:59 PM - JBL is rattling off Lesnar’s resume, starting with his high school wrestling record.  JBL always goes the extra mile with his research.  Thank you Mr. Layfield, thank you. 

9:00 PM – Basically equal support from the crowd for Rollins and Lesnar.  Should be interesting to see when these two square off how the crowd reacts. 

9:02 PM – Do you want to know how awesome Brock Lesnar is right now?  He uses one basic move, in the German suplex, and it’s devastating.  If any other wrestler repeated this in a similar manner, he would get booed without mercy.  I hope he stays with WWE beyond WrestleMania.  There is some much that they could still do with his character going forward.

9:07 PM – Cena sets up Rollins for You can’t see me.  Actually Cena can’t see Lesnar.  Yet another German suplex.  Classic WWE.

9:09 PM – More feats of strength from Lesnar.  Rollins spring boarded from the top rope only to be caught by Lensar and given an F-5.  This guy is something to behold.    

9:11 PM – Curb stomp from Rollins on Lesnar only to have Cena break up the count.  Action is picking up folks.  Hold on to your butts.   

9:12 PM – Lesnar just slipped out of the ring for a breather.  No breaks here.  Cena drove him through the barrier into the ring announcer area.  That didn’t work.  Cena tries the steal steps.  Better, closer, warmer.  Still not good enough though. Lesnar ended up on the announcers table and here comes Rollins off the top rope.  It’s a move we’ve seen a hundred times before but Rollins was still impressive with his execution.  The future is bright for Seth Rollins. 

9:17 PM – Cena vs Rollins while Lesnar gets a breather.  I’m going to take a guess that the Champ is down but not out.

9:19 PM – Rollins was just rescued from a STFU by his security team of Noble and Mercury.  It always pays to have good help.

9:20 PM – In other news, Paul Heyman has been asking for medical assistance and the stretcher has arrived. 

9:21 PM – More feats of strength.  It’s Cena’s turn this time.  With Noble and Mercury both on his shoulders, Cena delivers a double AA.  AAAA or quad A, I suppose.  He follows this up with one to Rollins.  I would not like to read a stenographers recount of any John Cena match.  AA AA Five Knuckle Shuffle STFU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. 

9:22 PM – Michael Cole just informed the audience that Brock Lesnar has, at the least, a broken rib.  I’m going to question his medical opinion here.  I know Cole has to sell the fact that Lesnar is hurt to the audience but a broken rib?  Come on Michael Cole, you’re better than that.    

9:23 PM – Rollins is controlling the action.  Cena just kicked out of cover after a curb stomp.  In typical WWE fashion, when someone kicks out of your finishing move what do you do?  Something bigger off course.  Rollins is heading for the top rope.

9:24 PM – After performing some ridiculous flip off the top rope, Rollins’ cover was interrupted by Lesnar. 

9:25 PM – One F-5 that Rollins back flipped out of, landing on his feet, just leads to another massive F-5.  What an awesome finish and flurry of action which resulted in a Lesnar pinning of Rollins.  The Beast is still your Champion.

9:28 PM – Rollins is left dazed in the ring clinging to the Money in the Bank briefcase.  I hope he cashes it in at WrestleMania.  How about that as a way to end the grandest stage of them all?

9:29 PM – Also, I’d be very happy with a Rollins vs Lesnar main event at WrestleMania.  I know the WWE wants a typical good guy in that match but what better way to give Lesnar a run in that role then to have Triple H and the authority deem him unworthy as the face of the company and try to take the belt from him with their chosen disciple in Seth Rollins?  I’d handicap the odds of this happening at say +2500.  I’ve always been a fan of seeing the freakishly athletic wrestler face the giant with inhuman strength, ala Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker.

9:30 PM – Promo for a next month’s new PPV, WWE Fastlane.  I wonder if they switched from the Elimination Chamber just because of Brock Lesnar.  Perhaps they just decided it wasn’t a wise move to have uncertainty pertaining to who you champ will be at WrestleMania after Royal Rumble concludes.  I’ll make sure to ask Triple H if I run into him.

9:32 PM – Promo for the Royal Rumble.  I love the ideas of giving the statistics during the Royal Rumble promo but can we get some advanced metric stats?  I mean come on.  I know it’s the WWE, but I’m sure we could come up with some creative ones.  We know Shawn Michaels has the most eliminations in Royal Rumble history but who has the most eliminations after entry number 30 has entered the ring?  We’ll call that one EA30 (Eliminations after 30).  How about how many other wrestlers are in the ring at the time of a particular wrestler’s elimination?  Say someone like Big Show usually has several other wrestlers in the ring with him when he’s eliminated.  Just making up numbers here but let’s put him at 12 career Rumbles with 53 men total in the ring at the points he was eliminated.  That would give Big Show a 4.42 career DOE (Determinant of Elimination).  Last one.  I swear.  It’s the best one as well.  If we took the number at which you finished, giving a reverse value to the number at which you finished, 30 for the first man eliminated and 1 for the winner, averaged up the career finishes, with 1 being the best possible score and 30 being the worst, wouldn’t you determine who’s had the best and most consistent career in the Royal Rumble?  Or at the least who’s had the ability to stay in the good graces of Vince and healthy the longest?  I’m guessing Stone Cold or Hulk Hogan would have the best total here.  I hope that was as fun for you as it was for me.        

9:35 PM – Lilian Garcia is currently explaining the rule to the audience.  I love that WWE does this as well.

9:36 PM - #1 – The Miz.

9:36 PM - There’s only one real question here.  Is Mizdow number 2?  I guess you could ask if The Miz is getting paid double tonight as well.

9:37 PM - #2 – R-Truth.  What’s Up!!! What’s Up!!!  One of these days I’ll look up the lyrics to R-Truth’s rap song.  Today won’t be that day though.

9:40 PM - #3 – Bubby Ray Dudley.  Well I didn’t see that coming. Are we going to get a tables, ladders, and chairs in the Royal Rumble now?

9:42 PM – The crowd is in the same mind set.  The table chants have already started.

9:42 PM – #4 – Luke Harper.  Before Harper could make it to the ring we have our first two eliminations at the hand of Bubba Ray. Thanks for participating Miz and R-Truth.  Man, to think that the Miz went into WrestleMania as the Champ only a few years back.  I might need to do some research on the worst choices to headline a WrestleMania.  Don’t get me wrong, I like the Miz, but his career has really taken a nose dive.

9:44 PM - #5 – Bray Wyatt. 

9:45 PM – Harper and Wyatt team up on Bubba Ray.  The crowd wants Devon.  Sorry.  Not going to happen.  Wyatt sends Bubba Ray packing.

9:46 PM - #6 – Curtis Axel.

9:46 PM – Check that.  #6 - Erik Rowen.  Rowen just stole Axel’s place in the Rumble.  Axel now has the Perfect excuse as to why he didn’t win tonight.  Look at me, with another Perfect pun.  I’m on a role.   

9:47 PM - It appeared for a second as if Harper and Rowen were going to double team Wyatt before it became every man for himself.  I’m guessing someone screwed up and it didn’t happen.  Wyatt tosses both of his henchmen.  Wyatt stands alone.

9:48 PM - #7 – The Boogeyman.

9:49 PM – We got a 20 second weird off before The Boogeyman is sent packing.  Waste of an entrance. But definitely better then Michael Cole in the ring.

9:50 PM - #8 – Sin Cara.  WWE must sell an awful lot of luchador masks.  That’s the only reason I can think of Sin Cara being in the Rumble. 

9:51 PM – Adios Sin Cara.

9:51 PM – Wyatt has the mic in the ring sending an open invitation.  I’m guessing he’s not going to like who he see’s next here.

9:52 PM - #9 – Zach Ryder.  I guessed wrong.

9:53 PM – Two gems from JBL.  First as Ryder was entering he informed us that no one has one from the #9 position, I’m guessing that will continue to hold true, and when Ryder was eliminated he let us know Sin Cara is Spanish for eliminated.  Well done JBL.

9:54 PM - #10 – Daniel Bryan. YES! YES! YES!

9:54 PM – I have to ask, did Wyatt accidentally grab the mic one entrance early? My guess YES!!!

9:55 PM – Bryan is sending the crowd into a frenzy.  Great move by the crowd at this point as well.  We got the overhand YES point during the countdown to #11.

9:56 PM - #11 – Fandango.

9:57 PM - #12 – Tyson Kidd. 

9:58 PM - #13 – Stardust.

9:58 PM – How many gimmicks has Cody Rhodes gone through in the past 5 years?  Is he still going to be Stardust when Goldust finally hangs up the boots?  I need to know.

9:59 PM – After eliminated Tyson Kidd, Daniel Bryan jumps through the ropes to hit Wyatt who already slipped under the bottom rope.  I love when guys get a breather outside the ring during the Rumble or, even better, hide under the ring.  The first Battle Royal I ever watched had The Mouth of the South Jimmy Hart win by hiding under the ring while the last two competitors in the ring knocked each other out simultaneously.  For those curious about watching this I just did some quick research.  It was a 22 man $50,000 battle royal in 1986.  The last two competitors were Greg “The Hammer” Valentine and the Junk Yard Dog.  You can purchase it here.     

10:01 PM - #14 – DDP.  Diamond Dallas Paige. 

10:02 PM – We get a couple token diamond cutters and a reference to DDP Yoga from JBL.  Everything is in order.

10:03 PM - #15 – Rusev.

10:03 PM - Time to clear some space.  Rusev sends DDP and Fandango to an early exit. 

10:04 PM – Side note.  I love that Rusev is the US Champion.  There’s nothing finer than when the WWE has a foreigner crap on the good old USA.  I may be bias considering the Iron Shiek was the first wrestling villain on my youth.

10:05 PM – Bray Wyatt just eliminated Daniel Bryan.  I did not see that coming and neither did the crowd.

10:06 PM - #16 – Goldust.

10:06 PM - I think reality just set in and the crowd in now realizing that Daniel Bryan was actually eliminated.  Random boos for nothing followed by a Daniel Bryan chant.  Are we getting a repeat from last year? Will the crowd boo the winner if it’s not Daniel Bryan?  I hope not.  If last year taught us anything it’s if you boo loud enough they’re winning to change any part of the storyline going forward.

10:08 PM - #17 – Kofi Kingston.

10:08 PM – Kofi is getting booed.  This isn’t good.  He’s your token Royal Rumble fan favorite.  The Daniel Bryan chants continue.  I can’t wait to hear how the announcers spin this.

10:09 PM - #18 – Adam Rose. 

10:10 PM – Kofi just got tossed and was caught by the Rose buds (a collection of back stage Betty’s and groupies), who then carried him back into the ring.  Right on cue Rusev tosses Adam Roses who is not tossed by the Rose Buds.  Kofi is shown the door by Rusev moments later. 

10:12 PM - #19 – Roman Reigns. 

10:12 PM – The boos are raining down on Roman Reigns.  Somewhere back stage Triple H just crapped in his pants.

10:13 PM – Goldust and Stardust and eliminated by Reigns.  More boos.  This isn’t looking good.  Clearly the crowd knew that Roman Reigns was you likely winner and are directing their displeasure his way. 

10:14 PM - #20 – Big E Langston.

10:15 PM - #21 – Damien Mizdow.

10:16 PM – The Miz just showed up to take Mizdow’s spot.  Miz was knocked off the apron before he could enter and luckily Mizdow entered the ring.  After a quick exit both Miz and Mizdow are left on the ground, ringside, with Miz showing his annoyance with Mizdow’s actions and Mizdow doing his stunt double routine.  Hopefully the moment of humor gets the crowd to relax a bit.

10:17 PM - #22 – Jack Swagger.

10:18 PM – Back to back “We the People” chants.  Maybe the city where the declaration of independence was signed can get behind a “Real American” and stop this boofest.  Do it for Ben Franklin people.

10:19 PM - #23 – Ryback.  The Big Guy.  He looks hungry. 

10:20 PM – I can’t be certain but it sounds like a CM Punk chant from the crowd.  Sorry folks but that’s not happening tonight or anytime soon.  On that note, I don’t watch my UFC, but I can’t wait to see CM Punk in the Octagon.

10:21 PM - #24 – Kane. 

10:21 PM – Michael Cole just informed us that Kane is two eliminations shy of the Royal Rumble career record.  Can I put money on that fact that he’ll get that tonight?  Seriously.  Cole doesn’t allude to things that aren’t certain to happen.

10:22 PM - #25 – Dean Ambrose.  It appears we have a new fan favorite tonight.  Sorry Jack Swagger. 

10:23 PM - #26 – Titus O’Neil.

10:24 PM – Reigns and Ambrose sent O’Neil out in 4 seconds.  Santino’s record is still intact.  It was close though.

10:26 PM - #27 – Bad News Barrett.

10:26 PM – Currently nine wrestlers in the ring.  It’s starting to get crowded. 

10:27 PM - #28 – Cesaro.  I’d love to know why Cesaro got buried on the card.  I guess the “King of Swing” was getting to much pop as a heel.

10:29 PM – Big E is knocked out by Rusev making six eliminations for him tonight.  I guess we know who’s getting the push tonight, Cena’s next adversary.  Better luck than Umaga.

10:30 PM - #29 – Big Show.

10:30 PM – Kane and Big Show team up to eliminate Ryback and Swagger.  The “we want Ziggler” chants have already begun.  At least the crowd has been paying attention to who’s left to enter this year.

10:32 PM - #30 – Dolph Ziggler.  Hold on a second, I need to put my “Stealing the show and your girlfriend” shirt on.

10:33 PM – Ok I’m set.  Dolph enters with a fury and eliminated both Wade Barrett and Cesaro. 

10:34 PM – Moments later Big Show gives Dolph a knockout punch.  Kane and Big Show team up to eliminate Ziggler followed by Wyatt.  Kane breaks the record.  Thanks again for the inside information Cole.

10:36 PM – Kane and Big Show square off with Ambrose and Reigns, as the last four in the ring.  Where the hell did Rusev go?

10:37 PM – Ambrose is slid over the top rope by Big Show and Kane.  I got to say, I’m actually enjoying the use of the Authority working together in the Rumble.  It would be better if these two giants were working together and also protecting someone such as Seth Rollins.  Oh well. I’m sure they’ll break ranks soon enough.

10:40 PM – Right on cue, Big Show attempts to eliminate Kane while they both have Reigns teetering over the ropes. 

10:41 PM – The Authority’s momentary lapse allows Reigns to gain the upper hand.  In our final feat of strength of the night Reigns sends both Kane and Big Show over the top rope, using one arm per opponent to lift them up and over by their legs.  WWE really loves trying to create supermen. 

10:43 PM – The bell rings and Cole informs us that Roman Reigns is our 2015 Royal Rumble winner.  But wait.  It appears our crowd was paying closer attention than usual.  While Kane and Big Show enter back into the ring to assault Reigns, the crowd serenades them with chants of “we want Rusev!”

10:45 PM – DO YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING?!!!

10:46 PM – Rocky comes to the aid of Reigns but the booing continues.  What the hell Philly?  The Rock and Reigns clear Big Show and Kane from the ring and The Rock leaves Reigns to bask in the glory of his victory.  But wait. There’s more.

10:47 PM – Rusev slides out from under the ring to no one’s real surprise only to be eliminated by a waiting Roman Reigns. 

10:47 PM – Your 2015 Royal Rumble winner – Roman Reigns.

10:48 PM – The Rock is standing in the ring, raising the hand of Roman Reigns and the crowd continues to boo.  Philadelphia has booed Santa Claus and now they’ve booed The Rock.  Unbelievable.  Maybe WWE shouldn’t hold Royal Rumble’s in Pennsylvania anymore.         

10:50 PM – Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns at WrestleMania. I got to say, I feel bad for Reigns right now.  It’s absurd to say that the guy who just won the Royal Rumble and is set to headline WrestleMania just got a shit deal but it’s true.  He just went from a fan favorite to the villain and will probably get his title shot taken away from him much in the same way Bautista did last year after the Royal Rumble.  Can we agree right now that next year’s Royal Rumble will be held in say St. Louis?   

2014 Royal Rumble Running Diary

Welcome the 3^rd Annual Royal Rumble Running Diary.  The Royal Rumble is one of WWE’s four preeminent pay per view events (the others being WrestleMania, Summer Slam, and Survivor Series) throughout the year.  This also officially kicks of the road to WrestleMania, the WWE’s Super Bowl like event.  For those unfamiliar, the Royal Rumble is named for its main event match which pits 30 combatants against each other in an over the top rope battle royal. It starts with two wrestlers in the ring with another being added to the mix every 90 seconds.  To be eliminated, a wrestler must be thrown over the top rope and hit both feet to the floor.  The last man remaining goes on to compete for the WWE World Heavy Weight Championship at WrestleMania. 

This year’s event will showcase five matches:

The 30-Superstar Royal Rumble Match

WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton vs. John Cena

Big Show vs. Brock Lesnar

Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt

WWE Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs The New Age Outlaws

 

7:54:05 PM - Welcome to the 2014 Royal Rumble!!!!!  Our announcers tonight, as per usual, are Michael Cole, Jerry “The King” Lawler, and JBL.

7:54:31 PM - The first match is already over, turns out the WWE Tag Team Title Match was a preshow event.  Oh, You Didn’t Know?!  Yeah I forgot it was a preshow match up.  Oh well.  We have new Tag Team Champs.  The Road Dog Jesse James.  The Bad Ass Billy Gunn.  The New Tag Team Champions.  Yep, you read that right.  The New Age Outlaws are Tag Team Champs for the first time since 1999.  I’m all but certain tomorrow night on Monday Night Raw we will hear news now that The New Age Outlaws will be inducted into the Hall of Fame this year as a part of DX.  I hope so.  If that is the case, it would only be fitting to induct the nWo as well this year. 

7:59:39 PM – WWE put together an expert panel of past winners to give opinions and feedback on tonight’s events.  This panel consists of Hacksaw Jim Dugan, The "Heart Break Kid" Shawn Michaels, and The Nature Boy Ric Flair.  Wooooooooooo.  We just got the expert panel’s opinion of who will win tonight’s Royal Rumble. 

Hacksaw – Dolph Ziggler (so I guess that answers whether or not Ziggler will be participating tonight)

HBK – The Shield (always good to hedge your bets when you can have 3 possible winners with one pick)

Ric Flair – Batista (The Animal returns and is the heavy favorite to win tonight)

8:06:08 PM - Time for Daniel Bryan vs. Bray Wyatt.  This match is brought to you by Duck Dynasty and Appalachian Outlaws.

8:08:40 PM – The over/under of YES chants has been set at 324 1/2.  I’ll take the over.

8:11:06 PM – Wyatt’s goons, Luke Harper and Erick Rowan, have been ordered to leave ringside.  In past weeks the Wyatt family has used the 3 on 1 attack to their advantage.  I had anticipated WWE using the usual 3 on 1 storyline in this match as well.  So much for that.  The good news is we may finally get to see what Bray Wyatt is capable of in the ring.

8:20:19 PM – 15 minutes in, this match has been dominated by Bray Wyatt.  It’s time for the pace to pick up with some back and forth action and for this match to end.

8:23:32 PM – Daniel Bryan is either suffering from an early onset of Parkinson’s or is channeling his inner Hulk Hogan.  He’s got the shakes.    

8:26:46 PM – After a slow start, the typical hyper pace of a Daniel Bryan match is taking over.

8:30:42 PM – 1. 2. 3.  Bray Wyatt is your winner.  Great start to tonight’s action.  Great start to Bray Wyatt’s career in single’s competition.  I’m curious to see what WWE does with the Wyatt family after the storyline with Daniel Bryan.  Does this conclude it?  Who’s next? Maybe we’ll find out later tonight.

8:32:39 PM – We’re moments away from Brock Lesnar vs. Bigshow.  My guess is this match is here simply to set up Lesnar vs. either Orton or Cena at the next PPV.  Lesnar has already proclaimed that he is the number one contender going forward.  No better way to make that official then having him dominate the world’s largest athlete.   

8:34:44 PM – Big Ben sighting ring side.  Nice constellation prize for not playing in either the Super Bowl or the Pro Bowl.

8:39:28 PM – Michael Cole gives us this, “It’s amazing how the atmosphere changes when Brock Lesnar enters the arena.”  Ahhh yeah.  That’s because every WWE fan watches petrified that Brock will snap and actually break someone in half.

8:40:47 PM – Lesnar has already dismantled Bigshow and the bell hasn’t even rang yet.  Sick.  Repeated chair shots from Lesnar have Bigshow down and hurting.

8:44:23 PM – The bell finally rings and we have a KO punch from Bigshow.  Lesnar was going in for a kill shot with the steal chair only to take a right hand to the chin from Bigshow.  Both wrestlers are down and out and we're 30 seconds into the match.

8:45:25 PM – Oh shit.  We just had an F-5 from Brock and the match is over.  That’s about as good of a 5 minute match as you can have. 

8:47:06 PM – It appears we may not be done here.

8:47:18 PM – Brock is back in the ring using a chair on Bigshow again.  This is followed by another 10 plus shots to Bigshow outside the ring now.

8:49:22 PM – Brock is now onto his 3^rd chair having already broke 2 chairs over Bigshow’s back.  The message has been sent.  Brock Lesnar means business. 

8:50:40 PM – So we actually had 1 minute of match and 8 minutes of beating by chair.  Excellent ratio.   

8:52:17 PM – I would have loved to have been there when they pitched this match to Bigshow.  “So we’re going to have you fight Brock Lesnar at Royal Rumble.  That sounds great.  What do you think about having Brock beat you senseless with a chair for 10 minutes?  That work for you?  Are we positive he knows this isn’t real? No, but you’re the only one we feel confident that may survive such an attack.  Fair enough.  Book it.”

8:54:10 PM – While we have a free moment I’ll put my Royal Rumble final 4 predictions out there.  CM Punk.  Roman Reigns.  Big E Langston.  And your winner….The Animal Batista.  I’m not certain on the Big E Langston spot but I’d parlay the shit out of a bet for the other three being there at the end of the night.

8:57:17 PM – Orton vs. Cena coming up.  I’m curious to see how Orton escapes with the title tonight.  This is a match we’ve seen repeatedly during the past 10 years or so which makes it difficult to put a new wrinkle in to keep it original.  I’m confident they’ll find a way to make this match work yet again.   

9:07:13 PM – Both men are in the ring.  During introductions mostly boo’s for both Cena and Orton.  As the bell rings the crowd is chanting Daniel Bryan.  Thank you Pittsburgh but he's not wrestling. 

9:09:35 PM – Let’s go Cena!/Cena sucks! 

9:10:24 PM -  JBL acknowledges the crowds chants for Daniel Bryan and points out that we’re in Pittsburgh and the fans may not realize he wrestled in our first match.  It’s truly isn’t a WWE event without someone insulting the intelligence of the city the show is in. 

9:12:41 PM – We’ve had chants now for Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Macho Man Randy Savage, and the Undertaker during this match.  Now the crowd serenades them with chants of “BORING!!” 

9:15:19 PM – Great move by Orton.  He’s yelling at the crowd letting them know that they should be chanting his name.  Not Daniel Bryan. Not John Cena.  Me baby.  Me.

 9:20:23 PM – Side rant, I understand the Pittsburgh fans wishing to see either Daniel Bryan or CM Punk in this match.  Chant for your guy the first 30 seconds before that match starts but then pick a side.  You’re at the Royal Rumble.  You’re reactions set the tone for everyone else viewing at home.  Cheer for one of the two competitors and deal with it.  That is all.

9:23:12 PM – The Ref was just knocked out.  While the ref was out for the count, Cena put Orton in the STFU (his submission move) and Orton tapped out.  Thinking he’d won the match, Cena released Orton from the hold only to turn and find the referee out cold.  Classic WWE.

9:24:32 PM – The crowd just chanted “This is awful!!” Relax Pittsburgh.  

9:25:35 PM – Jerry “The King” Lawler just acknowledge the crowd chants by saying that he thinks they’re trying to get into the head of Randy Orton to help John Cena.  Valiant effort by the King.   

9:27:02 PM – Orton just used both of Cena’s finishing moves (the STFU and the FU) on Cena.  I wish they used this angle more often. And with that being said Cena just RKO’d Orton.  Congrats Pittsburgh, you’re missing a very good match.  You’ve all but guaranteed your city will never see another WWE PPV again.  Mission Accomplished.       

9:29:42 PM – The Wyatt’s just came out to ringside and distracted John Cena long enough for Randy Orton to RKO Cena and win the match.  Nice twist.  Looks like Orton went out and got his own muscle to get his back.  This also looks like the Wyatt/Bryan storyline is done with Cena being their new target.  Not what I anticipated but I like it.

9:32:27 PM – Very good undercard action tonight.  I’m happy.  Pittsburgh, are you happy? Guess not…

9:36:26 PM – While we wait for the Royal Rumble match, let’s take a moment to contemplate the coming arrival of the WWE Network.  After years of trying to pedal DVDs to its fans, the WWE has finally found its perfect platform, its own network.  The brain trust at WWE did an amazing job by including PPVs, past and current, as part of the package.  For whatever reason, most professional sporting leagues have been hesitant to show all their programing on TV for free or a relatively low cost.  Who’d have thought that by showing all of your events on TV, you build a larger fan base and in turn sell more merchandise and tickets to said events?  And after selling more merchandise and tickets you can then MORE IMPORTANTLY charge advertisers more.         

9:42:49 PM – It’s time for the Royal Rumble Match!!!!

9:43:01 PM – We learned on Raw this week that CM Punk will be entry number 1, who will be  number 2?

9:43:43 PM - #1 CM Punk.  Best In The World!!!

9:45:10 PM - #2 Seth Rollins.  Our first of 3 members from The Shield enters the ring.  Good choice by WWE to start us off. 

9:47:41 PM - #3 Damien Sandow.  We just had our first of 28 countdowns tonight.  Nothing more exciting in the WWE universe than the anticipation of hearing who’s music is about to kick on as the crowd countdowns 5, 4, 3 2, 1!!!!

9:49:16 PM - #4 Cody Rhodes.

9:50:06 PM – Sandow is our first elimination of the night by the hands of CM Punk. 

9:50:45 PM - #5 Kane.  No mask.  No Big Red Machine.  He’s Corporate Kane tonight.    

9:52:00 PM – Goodbye Kane.  That’s the second elimination for CM Punk for those keeping score at home.

9:52:24 PM – #6 Alexander Rusev.  This is our token NXT entry for tonight’s event.  For those who don’t know, NXT is WWE equivalent of a minor league system.  He’s thrown two people over the top rope only to have them hold on and avoid elimination.  Rookie mistake.

9:53:57 PM - #7 Jack Swagger.  The All-American American squares off against the Bulgarian from NXT to chants of USA USA USA!!!  You can always count on the Rumble to have at the least three showdowns in ring that lead storylines going forward.  Is this the first?

9:55:24 PM - #8 Kofi Kingston.  Let’s see what absurd way Kingston avoids elimination this year. In years past Kingston has pogoed on JBL’s chair back to the ring and also walked on his hands outside the ring.  Kingston was genetically created in a lab and bred for this event. 

9:56:48 PM - #9 Jimmy Uso. Seven wrestlers in the ring for those keeping score at home.  About time for the NXT guy to go. 

9:58:19 PM - #10 Goldust.  A Shattered Dreams Production.  Which Rhode’s brother is going to eliminate the other tonight?  You know that is happening.

9:59:24 PM – Rusev is out.  While standing around Kofi was knocked out and into Rusev’s arms outside the ring. Rusef placed Kofi on the side barrier and he jumped several feet back to the ring.  He did it again.  I can see it now, a WWE DVD (check that a documentary on the new WWE Network) showing Kofi Kingston’s greatest Royal Rumble moments.

10:00:55 PM - #11 Dean Ambrose.  The second member of the Shield to join tonight’s action. 

10:02:15 PM - #12 Dolph Ziggler.  I have a feeling Ziggler’s stay may be short but he is going to make an epic exit. 

10:03:24 PM – The ring is getting crowded.  The good news is that it’s filled with guys who actually wrestle.  The main benefit of the NXT has been the added depth to the roster. 

10:03:52 PM - #13 R-Truth. No rapping tonight? No time to rap. R-Truth means business. He sprinted into the ring and like that he’s gone.  He should have given us at least one WHAT’S UP!

10:04:52 PM – Jimmy Uso. He gone.

10:05:31 PM – Another great move from Kofi.  He latched his feet to the bottom rope to keep from falling to the floor.  While dangling, he pulled off Jack Swagger’s shoe and used it against Swagger to keep from being eliminated.  I know I'm being repetitive but once again, he was made for this match. 

10:05:48 PM - #14 Kevin Nash.  Big Sexy.  The New World Order.  So far we’ve had The New Age Outlaws and Kevin Nash.  Is there any question as to whether HHH is calling the shots at WWE?

10:06:13 PM – Nash eliminates Swagger.  Now we get an nWo/Shield stare down.  Too sweet.  Get Scott Hall out here.  Big Sexy needs some back up.

10:07:18 PM - #15 Roman Reigns.  Wow. Reigns just tossed Kofi and Ziggler like rag dolls.  I told you Ziggler was going out in epic fashion.  Kevin Nash gets low bridged and tumbles over the top rope as well. 

10:08:59 PM - #16 The Great Khali.  The Punjabi Playboy.

10:09:52 PM – This is now The Shields show.  All three members in there, working together, just eliminated Khali. 

10:10:37 PM – Goldust just tossed his brother Cody Rhodes only to be shown the door moments later by Reigns.  I guess we’ll be seeing the brothers square off at WrestleMania this year now that they’ve lost the tag titles.

10:10:41 PM - #17 Sheamus.  Are token “returning from injury guy” gets a warm welcomed back.  Sheamus has busted the skulls of all three members of The Shield but, to no one’s surprise, was unable to eliminate any of the three.

10:12:17 PM - #18 The Miz.  We’ve had 18 wrestlers enter the ring, so far so good.

10:13:45 PM - #19 Fandango.  They’re Fandango’ing in Pittsburgh.  We have seven men in the ring for those scoring at home.

10:15:13 PM - #20 El Torito.  El Torito is a midget dressed in a bull costume.  You read that correctly. 

10:16:53 PM – El Torito just eliminated Fandango only to be eliminated by Roman Reigns moments later.  That’s six eliminations for Reigns so far.  Since the announcers keep pointing out Reigns’ elimination total, I’m guessing this total is going to get pretty high before all is said and done tonight.    

10:17:29 PM - #21 Antonio Cesaro.  The other half of the Real American’s is in the ring.  Rollins gets to feel the effects of the Cesaro swing.

10:19:00 PM - #22 Luke Harper.

10:20:30 PM - #23 Jey Uso.

10:22:12 PM - #24 JBL.  JBL enters the ring in full suit and tie.  "Suit up!"  He takes his jacket off, first mistake, and Reigns throws him out.

10:23:41 PM - #25 Erick Rowan.  The Miz was just eliminated by Luke Harper after being tossed around by Rowan first.  Rowan follows by eliminated Jey Uso.  Tonight has been a showcase of the Wyatts and the Shield.

10:25:24 PM - #26 Ryback.  The crowd chants Goldberg.  Enough said.

10:26:53 PM - #27 Alberto Del Rio.  Or for those of you who don’t speak Spanish, Albert of the River.

10:27:41 PM – Three entries to go.  Cole informs the audience that Punk and Rollins have been in the ring for 42 minutes.

10:28:16 PM - #28 Batista.  The Animal is back.

10:28:42 PM – He eliminates Erick Rowan and now a showdown with Ryback.  Goodbye Ryback. Those two are closely followed by the elimination of Del Rio.  That's three eliminates quickly by Bautista to validate his presence not only here tonight but as your WrestleMania headliner.   

10:30:17 PM - #29 Big E Langston. 

10:31:19 PM – The YES chants are starting already.  Will #30 be Bryan? Of course not.  If anyone in Pittsburgh paid attentions to the promos they’ve shown in the arena and at home tonight they’d already know who #30 was going to be.

10:31:42 PM - #30 Rey Mysterio.  Poor Rey.  He’s getting booed because he’s not Daniel Bryan.  I bet he wishes he was back in the 619 right about now. 

10:32:40 PM – Congrats Pittsburgh, you’re officially the worst crowd in WWE history.

10:33:09 PM – Sheamus shows Langston the exit door.

10:33:50 PM – Rollins eliminates Mysterio next.  Reigns eliminates Harper only to see his own partner, Dean Ambrose, attempt to send him over the top rope.  Reigns then sends Cesaro, Rollins and Ambrose packing at the same time.  Cole informs us that Reigns has tied the record for most elimination’s in a single Royal Rumble.

10:35:28 PM – Down to the final four!!!!

10:35:39 PM – Kane just came back to eliminate Punk.  3 left.  Batista. Sheamus. Roman Reigns.

10:37:24 PM – The booing continues for no apparent reason.  Unreal.  In good news, I won my Punk, Reigns, Batista parlay bet.  The prize being that I get to be a 33 year old single male watching wresting for another year.  I am the winner!!! 

10:39:11 PM – Reigns eliminates Sheamus for his record setting 12th elimination tonight.  That’s 40 percent of the competition.  That’s Stone Cold Steve Austin territory right there.

10:39:42 PM – Damn Pittsburgh, stop booing.

10:40:09 PM – Batista and Reigns just took turns spearing each other. Always funny seeing two guys square off who have the same finishing move.

10:41:22 PM – The Animal is going to WrestleMania.  The movie star comes back to help draw an audience in while boosting ticket sales to his own movies.  This is a move that is mutually beneficial for both parties involved and the right move at that.  Despite finishing second, Roman Reigns is the real winner tonight.  The WWE basically announced what most fans suspected anyways, Reigns is Champ in waiting.  What a great showing by Roman Reigns tonight and horrendous showing by the city of Pittsburgh.  Last one out of Pittsburgh, burn it to the ground.

WWE Extreme Rules (May 2013)